Saturday, May 28, 2011

Owen's First Birthday

Today my sister had her son's first birthday party! It was so much fun! We went to Davanni's for some pizza and party celebrations!

Started to take the picture of Owen with his cupcake but then it was so cute I switched to video, you miss him grabbing the top of the frosting off in one hand and cake in the other.

It was very nice to be with immediate and extended family for a fun time. Everyone seemed to have a really good time. I felt blessed for such a wonderful memory. Happy 1st Birthday little Owen!

Gideon's First Concert

Mary Poppins was the theme. This music teacher is amazing. To get grades 1-4 to participate in music class and then get it to the stage like this, amazing.

You can't see Gideon that well, he is one of the boys with a white t-shirt and a white hat. When they take the stage you will see him on the far right of the screen. If you can follow him around, then you'll see how wonderful he did!

It was so great to be able to attend and brought tears to my eyes to see my little boy doing the motions.

Sunday, May 22, 2011

First Job

My Krissy baby, who just turned 16, landed her first job! She applied at KFC and two days went in and asked for an interview. They gave her one on the spot and pretty much hired her on the spot! I am so proud of her for being so bold. I would never had the guts to go in person and ask for an interview. So good for her! Now we will see when she starts training.

Now she can buy all the clothes, hair products and make up she wants! No more waiting on mom. Which is exciting for me. However, now I will be driving more to get her to and from work. Ugh that is not very appealing for me. What about summer and going out of town, does that mean I need to plan my trips and worry about her losing her job if we plan too much. Too bad her job isn't within walking distance. Too bad she hasn't starting driving yet. ;0)

All in all I think it will be good for her. I just can't believe my baby is in the working world. 16 was a milestone but this... it's going to take me a while.

Monday, May 16, 2011

A miracle! That’s what I feel has happened.

Sometimes you pray and I can feel like I have this faith like a mustard seed and I can move this mountain if all I do is believe, just ask and you will receive. The bible says this and I believe it with all my heart. So when I prayed this one time for my husband’s sake, God didn’t move my mountain. God didn’t answer my prayer in the way that I had asked. But I had used such conviction that this was one promise from the bible that would be answered and I almost didn’t have any doubt. So what went wrong???

I lost a little faith that day. I can’t really describe the feeling, just a huge disappointment, I wasn’t asking for too much, in my opinion. It brought me to really question this whole existence, what is the point? I’ve always asked what my purpose is on this earth and never really felt led in any direction. Is my life even doing a service to the Lord? Maybe it is true that this world is not my home and I will never find peace in it. The bible says so much.

I can only speak on my experience. Why I love the Lord with all my heart and soul. What he has done for me during some of my darkest moments, that is why I believe. During those times, he wasn’t shouting or leading me (that I know) and I wasn’t always sure what I should do. But when I looked back on how he took care of my rent when I had no way to pay it or when I looked back on the daily pain I struggled with on whether I could keep the child that I was holding and in the end knowing the decision to give him up was the right one and the peace and the feelings that went into the end at labor and delivery and continuing on through this day. I see God all over my life. I see how he put me in touch with the right people and put me in the right places. And it’s so hard when your going through these difficult times that seem to last forever to remind yourself that something will happen to get you through. I wish God were just right here, telling me what to do.

God has blessed my family so much with the recent challenges my husband has been going through. The amount of support and love from family and friends and even unexpected bonds with neighbors that I had no idea would be there. The amount of people praying for us during this time, was so abundant that I feel like I could literally feel the arms around us, holding us up. God has answered my prayer big time. And I just want to tell everyone and share with everyone. For all the times God has said no, or not answered the way I had expected, makes this answer to pray so sweet. An unexplainable joy.

Some days I do feel like giving up on the Lord and this whole belief system. I think that’s normal. We are only human and none of this makes sense. Some day I do believe it will all make sense. When I look back at my journey this far, I see myself as a better person. I do see my faith getting stronger each time.

I can say that my life even though I have no idea what my purpose is, maybe part of my purpose is each trial and what happens and what I can say at the end. And maybe that will influence my child or my friend. Maybe I can help lift someone else up at another time. And then my life would not be for nothing.

There is still challenges ahead and we are not completely out of the woods. I feel so much better and stronger for this next part of the journey.

Friday, May 13, 2011

My Prayer for Strength-passed on from my mom

Heavenly Father,
Your Warrior prepares for battle.
Today I claim victory over Satan by putting on
The whole Armour of God!
I put on the Girdle of Truth!
May I stand firm in the truth of Your Word
So I will not be a victim of Satan’s lies.

I put on the Breastplate of Righteousness!
May it guard my heart from evil
So I will remain pure and holy,
Protected under the blood of Jesus Christ.

I put on the Shoes of Peace!
May I stand firm in the Good News of the Gospel
So Your peace will shine through me
And be a light to all I encounter.

I take the Shield of Faith!
May I be ready for Satan’s fiery darts of
Doubt, denial and deceit
So I will not be vulnerable to spiritual defeat.

I put on the Helmet of Salvation!
May I keep my mind focused on You
So Satan will not have a stronghold on my Thoughts.

I take the Sword of the Spirit!
May the two-edged sword of Your Word
Be ready in my hands
So I can expose the tempting words of Satan.

By faith your warrior has put on
The whole Armour of God!
I am prepared to live this day in spiritual victory!


Deep Breath

I am at the Washington County Law library. And I'm blogging. ;0) I feel weird all these people in here doing research for their cases and here I am blogging. My husband said I could though! He has court in ten minutes. He wants me to be here in case he is done right away and then I could still be here to bring him home.

I hope, I can bring him home right away. I've been dreading this day all month, all week. I called in sick cause I'm so sick to my stomach. I've been in the bathroom. It's not pretty, I'll spare you the details.

We had a wonderful conversation this morning after the kids went to school and then I watched Ellen and the View. We talked about submitting to the authorities according to the bible. And it was a good conversation. I think I got my husband to understand how much more helpful he would be to the Lord if he were out of this trap of worrying about the world. I told him I would be happy to find us as a family a place to serve and share God's love with people. That would be doing so much more for the kingdom than what we are doing now. I think he understood what I was saying. So I'm thankful the Lord gave me this day.

I think he wants me in the same building as him. Maybe he feels it's supportive on the one hand. We talked about me being in the courtroom but I think we both realize that would be less supportive. So for both of our nerves I am down here. I gotta leave to pick up the kids anyway soon. So not sure this will matter. Oddly it helps me feel supportive to him. I know that's so funny. And blogging is totally helping keep me calm.

I also ordered a straight talk phone. ;0) Got a good deal. Phone free. I figured I'm spending the same amount to get some minutes with unlimited texting but now this way I might be able to get more talk time and actually talk more often to people! I'm so excited. I didn't think it mattered if I spoke on the phone but once it's gone, dude you miss it.

Well I guess I'll check facebook again. See what's new. Put a prayer request on there yesterday and felt so much support from all my facebook friends. It was nice.

Part of me is curious to go over to the court and see what's going on. I wonder if I should.....

I'll let you know.

Friday, May 6, 2011


The sun is shining, it makes me happy. I wish the sun would shine everyday.

I am walking more and that helps my health. I got my St. John's Wort and I'm going to start that this weekend.

I want to be strong. I want to be healthy. I am going to repeat this mantra and try to praise God everytime I feel weak.

I am going to beat this......

Thursday, May 5, 2011

So Dj goes to court next Friday. It’s one week. It felt like this day was so far away and now it’s practically here. Next week is bound to go fast. I just wish we could slow time way down and really never get to that day. Or I wish it was over and done with and we could just get on with whatever is going to happen already.

This week has been bad. Started on Sunday. I was a little nervous to go to my coffee date with my girlfriends, not unusual, I just figured it would get better once I got there. And on the one hand it did get better and on the other hand, I just couldn’t wait to get home and hide under my blankets. And that’s pretty much what I did.

I went home and got a bunch of things cleaned up real quick and then had a melt down. Which resulted in the kids playing with neighbor friends and me staying in bed and watching two movies.
I don’t know why my body responds this way.

This whole week at work has been impossible. Seems to be the worst as I drive in to work, I feel like I’m literally going to die. I’m going pass out at the wheel and then die. I know this is not reasonable and has never even remotely happened but it still haunts my mind.

Once at work it gets a little better. But still it almost feels like I’m clinching too much in my shoulders. I tell myself to relax and it helps and then it builds again. All I’ve really been able to do is go home and rest each night after work. I really should be trying to exercise so I can get my brain back in order.

Even though I feel like I’m okay and I feel like things will be okay no matter what happens. My body still feels stressed I guess.
So instead of feeling like a lunatic. I’m pulling out my stupid anxiety CD’s and I’m going to try St. John’s wort for a while. If that doesn’t help then I’m going to the doctor. I’m tired of this game. I’m tired of always feeling like this. I just want to live and not think. I just want to be strong. And I guess trying to do it naturally just isn’t working. So pray that I can buck up and feel better through next week. For my kids sake.