Friday, September 2, 2011

A letter to my mom

I was driving in to work..... I was thinking about a lot of things. Thinking of how pop is being more communicative to me and while Rach and Karla prob don't feel weird about it and welcome it, for me it's a little more weird. Not hard just different. I guess being a girl all my years growing up and not having that be a part of our relationship very often, you just grow to that's how it is...... going through some stages of acceptance and non acceptance and now that I'm an adult and can see through different eyes, I am more understanding and loving about it.

Well anyway, it was making me feel sentimental about being able to in small ways now be able to let my dad know that I do care about him and vice versa. Some moments I never thought I'd get while he was alive with us and just trying to accept that he loved me and I just would know that. So for me it's very special and could make me cry thinking about it right now, but anyway it then got me to thinking about you!

In all you do, all my life you have always been my rock. My mom and dad when I needed help and support and encouragement. I always look to you for advice and wisdom in most situations even to this day. And while you probably grew into acceptance for this role, maybe over time some days it gets to be, well that's just how it is..... but for me, it's very special. I could not have gotten through many hard times without you and I don't want to look to the time when I won't have you.

I wanted to say thank you for the most recent time when I really felt on the edge of my life so to speak. When I literally felt like I was going to die and wasn't really sure what to do. This summer when I was having such a hard time after we moved. And I remember you calling me and going through what I was making a huge deal in my head. The thoughts that were attacking me and I could not see through them to get out. You made me feel so much better, you helped me get my boots on for the day and get to battle. You didn't leave me on the battlefield. You prayed for me as well which is beyond what you could imagine that helped me, angels helped dust me off that day and make a decision to live. To get some help and LIVE!

It's still a long road as you know so well. But I love you. And I wanted to tell you beyond the words coming out of my mouth. This conveys a little bit better than my awkward words would be able to.

I love you,

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