I'm talking about being submissive to my husband. Seems like a dirty word anyway to me. I have thought about this recently. My husband has seemed so down in his mood. Depressed. And trying to help encourage him, he just doesn't believe me. Mostly because in the last few years of our marriage I have gone from trusting him to barely knowing what to trust about him. From looking up at him to looking down on him. We've gone through more than your typical married couple. And so far we are still together. I am realizing though we may not be together forever like we thought we would be if something doesn't happen. While I can point my finger all day long at who's to blame, I would be wise to just look in the mirror for a little while.
When I first married my husband I loved him so much and put him on the pedestal. He could do no wrong and he was like my knight in shining armor. He always knew the best way to approach things and it was so nice to have someone take care of me. Promising for better or worse, I never could have imagined what the worse was and that it would be so bad that I couldn't hold to that promise.
I won't bore you with all the decisions and flaws that led us to the worse part. Most marriages have up's and down's. But at the bottom I am realizing that hey he's a person too. If he treated me the way I treat him, no way would I have stayed. And didn't I make a promise til death do I part? He's not abusing me or doing anything that would put me in danger. I really do believe the Lord would like me to stay to that promise.
So I've been reading up on submission for the christian marriage. I've read three books on the subject. I used to be quite the critic. Lately though, I'm wondering if there isn't something to it. One book I read described it like this:
When you have a job each person in the company has a specific role. The company wouldn't function well without each part. There is a boss. A good boss will ask for your views, open door policy, will want to motivate you and praise you when your doing well, will want to help you reach your goals and potiential, and though he may take into consideration your viewpoints and use them he is ultimately the one that has to make the call for the company and what is best to have it succeed. You can apply those same theories to marriage. And if your a christian then your already being submissive to the Lord and what he would like for your life. So really thinking about that and trying to see if some of these applications don't help my marriage get better. Maybe I can build my husband back up and instead of being hurt by me he can feel like we're more a team. Then maybe he can take into consideration what I like and don't like and actually apply those more often.
I don't have to agree on everything he says and does. But like today, he was talking and talking about the post office. All I wanted to do was get him off the phone. But then I thought, this is what those books mean. He has an opinion. He wants to be heard. So I listened and waited for him to finish without interrupting him. While I had a different opinion on the subject, I decided to bring it up in a way that I was asking him if things wouldn't be better if we did it this way? In asking his opinion in a way that was stating what I was wanting to actually do, he ended up responding in a way that he thoughtfully considered what I was saying. No fighting.
So wish me luck as I try. It may back fire but I want to be one of those happy couples holding hands and people envious of our love. Get back to the beginning days where I can look up to him again. He doesn't have to live up to my expectations. He's a good guy. He has feelings too. Lord help me to try and look at my husband the way you see him.
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