Sunday Night and Easter Wind Down

It's 3 pm and I'm getting ready to leave my in-laws house. We had such a good time. The kids woke up to Easter baskets on the table. Filled with chocolate rabbits, jelly beans and toys! Rick and Cheryl have been so good to our family! We decided the kids had easter baskets at home with candy and didn't need more so we weren't going to do anything just come up here and celebrate the time with family. We were blessed far more than I could imagine.

It has really been about making memories for me the last few months. Good family memories. Doing stuff every weekend to be together as a family and enjoy some time together. You never know what will happen to your life. I promise you things will happen and in one moment things are fine and then the next moment something happens that takes your breath away. Could be good or bad, I promise it will happen. It has happened a few different times to me in the last ten years, unfortunately most of my times have been not so good. But through each time I have learned so much about myself and people. Wisdom beyond my years. I have really loved the last few months about spending time together.

Work gets in my way though. I hate waking up and going to work, spending time there for 8 hours just so I can make money to support the family. I am grateful I can support my family don't get me wrong, I just wish we didn't have to do it. I wish we could all live and share and not have to punch a clock, maybe like the olden days. A simpler time? I don't know.

So part of me is sad to go. Get on the road and go home. Try to get some laundry done and get my head ready for monday. Try not to dwell on being sad too long, plan our next weekend adventure.

Easter Weekend

We are in Alexandria! It has been so much fun! And it's not over. We stayed up until 2 am last night, well I could only make it til 12:30 am. And I tried something called lemoncello. It's an alcoholic beverage 30 proof. I tried a taste and it was really good! I added 7-Up and it's great! However for me it's very strong! So we sat up talking and laughing about everything!

Today we woke up around 9 and got ready for an egg hunt. There were many kids there and it was so much fun to see the kids run and grab eggs. They split the different age groups so it was nice it was fair for all. Gideon got eggs of candy, I felt bad for Gabe who got only two eggs. BUT one of his eggs had a ticket inside! That ticket got him a prize. They gave him a huge purple tennis ball! They wanted to give him a Barbie lunch box but when they saw it was a boy that won, they let him have the ball. Their cousin Emily won a lawn chair and a football. She then gave the football to Gideon as he was longing looking on to what others were winning. So sweet!

We had breakfast at Perkins. Yumm. Such a nice visit and perfect morning. One for the books. This is what I was hoping for, a great weekend with family just in case Dj's news goes bad in three weeks. The kids seem to be playing so nice and excited to sleep over one more night. It will be hard to go tomorrow.

I am proud of myself too, my anxiety and nerves have been up a little been anticipating the news of Dj coming up. But being here, I have felt so much fun and no nerves. I'm not thinking, I'm just doing. I didn't even take a shower this morning, we got up and got ready and went! No thinking and over-thinking. No nervous feelings. Just fun and fun was what we had. I could almost cry just thinking about how wonderful it's been. And looking forward tonight for another night similar to last night. I will say the adults wanted to go out for pie and coffee and then grab last minute easter stuff for tomorrow, but I just decided to stay at home. I felt like this day was so great, I didn't really want to try and push it with the rush of people at the stores. And it would have.

Now it's time to party, it's saturday night!

It's so Quiet I can hear a pin drop!

Work is so quiet. It’s Friday, Good Friday. I am working and everyone else is gone, they took vacation time. And the place I work celebrates Passover this week. So here I am with no more vacation time left to take and having to work. I have complained enough to my family so I won’t waste my time now here. It’s just so weird to have it be so quiet and alone. There are a few people left in the building from the other school that is also housed here but they will be leaving soon.

I have cleaned and sorted the nurse’s office and the supply closet on top of doing the job duties that I need to get done. I am currently working on some filing for one of my friends. Filing is a job in itself, not a fun one. I’m doing pretty good though getting through it and listening to the music. Yep I turned on the radio, little KDWB and KS95 to help me groove. Dancing in between and hoping no one accidently walks in.

Hoping my boss will call and remember that I’m a Christian and actually celebrate Easter this weekend. So I can go out of town earlier. It’s only an hour and forty minutes left of my shift so the chances of that happening are not so good.

When 4 pm hits, I’m cruising home and we are packing up the car. We’re going to my brother in-law’s house this weekend. Kind of a last minute planning but still all are very excited to see them. We have such a good time getting together. They live in Alexandria so we’ll be traveling and spending the night. Sometimes the kids play so good together, it’s actually like a break for me!

It will be nice to spend a nice holiday with them. Three weeks until we find out the good or bad news for Dj. I’d like to say I’m not sweating it yet but I am stressed out a little bit. Really praying that he will just get a slap on the wrist with a fine. Once we get past that, I will feel better whatever happens. Cause then we can get on with it and get it over with whatever IT is.

It is good that my one school job is done for the summer soon. Then I only work part time for the other one and I can just try to spend some good summer time with the kids. Now if my tax refunds come before the end of June so I can rest assured I can pay the rent!

Happy Easter! Most importantly have a blessed Good Friday.

Take a moment and reflect what Jesus did so you could have that blessed assure of salvation. Stand at the cross on this cold and dreary day and picture what it would have been like all those years ago.

This song made me cry today. Mostly as I reflect on Easter and what Jesus did for me and for all of us. Talking to my kids about Easter and what the most important thing is about this holiday and my kids responding, “finding easter eggs!” What! I must be slacking again. I was like well what do we remember about what Jesus did for us? They said, “he helps us find Easter Eggs!” Ha ha ha, precious. I better bust out the story of the cross and most importantly, the grave could not contain him! He is alive.

Living He loved me
Dying He Saved me
Buried He carried my sins far away
Rising He justified forever
One day He’s coming, Oh glorious day

Death could not hold Him
The grave could not keep Him from rising again

Praise God! He is alive and he lives within me. I have hope.

Happy Easter!

Yumm Night Out

Culver’s Family Night! We decided to go to the last PTA fundraiser last night with the kids for their school. 10% of the profits goes to the school. They’ve had several this year and we finally decided to go to the last one.

It was fun, not very busy this time around. The boys saw a couple of their friends and even invited one to sit with us. The mom was the only one with this little boy, so we invited her to eat with us. My husband and I aren’t that out going so it was a little awkard at first. But it was fun to see Gabe could eat with his friend. The friend though, really liked hanging out with Gabe’s older brother Gideon. So they played more at the table. Gabe at one point said, “you don’t like me no more,” to the friend and of course the friend said it wasn’t true. But it’s hard to see, poor Gabe has trouble making and keeping friends. I’m not entirely sure why. Could be he tries too hard and is shy and then when he has a friend just ends up doing something or saying something that makes the friend not want to hang around. Gideon’s not overly outgoing but he seems to socialize better for some reason. And maybe the allure of being older was all this kid wanted to be cool. I don’t know. Aside from that, we all had fun. And food was wonderful. Even though I am sick, again, I still had a butter burger and fries and a bite of chocolate custard. And it was delicious.

By the end of dinner, I was shot. A full day of work and then all this junk food and fun, not feeling well, I just wanted to go home. We stopped by Goodwill to donate some toys and ended up looking around. Didn’t see anything interesting. Needed a non-stick pan and thought hey, I’ll see what they have here. Not much for selection and one of the decent ones was $14.99. Okay well if I’m going to spend $14.99 for a used non-stick pan that didn’t look amazingly wonderful, then I’m going to buy a new one at Wal-Mart for cheaper and less quality. Call me crazy but that’s what I’m going to do!

So tired this morning. Don’t want to be at work. I do feel better on the one hand but still I have my moments of feeling queasy and a little dizzy, so even to sit at my desk and look busy. I hate being here. However if I took a day off whenever I felt sick, I would not make much in a week, month or year. Heck I’d probably lose my job! ;0)

I think we’ve spent almost all the extra money I had this month, gonna have to be cheap and free for the rest of the month.

Easter is this Sunday. The kids got some easter baskets from our amazing and wonderful neighbor and there is still a lot of candy left. I’m not going to buy more and do the baskets again this Sunday. So I was thinking of getting them a toy or something. But do I really want to spend $30 plus dollars to find some toy that really isn’t what they are looking for, toys are over-priced too! Miss the good old days when $10 could buy you a toy that you wanted!

Depression???

Anxiety sucks…. If you suffer from anxiety for more than a few years, I guess it’s considered depression. I don’t know for a fact, but that’s what I hear. Now I think there is a difference between them.

I have been nervous about everything for as long as I can remember. As an elementary aged child, I would have stomaches all the time and begged my mom to keep me home from school. I can remember pacing around in the coat area where we hung up our coats, just pacing from nerves trying to compose myself enough to go back to my seat.

As a high school student, I remember running from bathroom to bathroom when I was nervous trying to find one that was empty so I could be alone for a few minutes. I also suffered from bouts of IBS, Irritable Bowel Syndrome. And I wouldn’t ever want any one to be in the same bathroom for fear of tremendous bullying.

As an adult, it comes and goes in different forms. I no longer suffer from IBS as much any more, now it’s just bouts of panic attacks. Feeling like I’m going to faint, feeling like I’ll go crazy if I don’t get out of this place. It gets so bad at times, I stay at home so I don’t have to face another moment of being nervous. I still have to work, so of course I muster up all of the things I have learned to cope through the years. Telling myself positive thoughts, letting myself know that if I was going to faint I would have fainted by now and confronting the panic head on, breathing in through my nose to the count of four and out through my mouth to the count of four. Ahh so many techniques.

I got desperate once to go to the doctor. She wanted to put me on prozac, I guess because it’s not anxiety for a period of time but all my life, she put me more in the depression category. I tried those meds for a week, and I got sick and was throwing up and then it took days for it to leave my system. I saw a therapist at my clinic and she was so unhelpful, I just said forget it. I was too nervous to try any other drugs for the adverse reactions, I really have trouble with prescription medication, they just make me sick most of the time.

So that brings me to now. I still don’t desire going and finding the right medication. I don’t feel depressed so to speak. Sure my life has challenges and stresses but I also feel pretty good and don’t feel like I am a depressed person by nature. I just can’t get the nerves under control though. And it’s really driving me insane. Just to go to the coffee shop with my mom, I had so much nervous energy about it. And why??? I don’t even know. Fear of nothing and everything. I hate feeling crazy. It’s not everyday and all the time, otherwise I would literally go crazy. This time it feels so different. I really do feel foggy in my head. I really do feel a little dizzy. When I am sitting here and looking at my surroundings it does feel surreal, almost not real. It concerns me. Part of me thinks that last week, I had a great week. I felt strong and then all of that stress from my hubby’s incidents combined with Krissy’s birthday party and the planning and getting of things for the party. Until finally the party happened and it was wonderful. Then when she got her piercing and I was nervous for that to happen, then bam it all hit me like a ton of bricks. I figured I was just tired from non-stop going and doing.

And maybe that is all it is, but I just want to sit here and cry and go home. I don’t want to be at work. I can’t handle going anywhere. Just to drive to my house, is hard cause I hate driving. I want to stay in bed all weekend and pray that I feel better by Monday. I’m so sick of feeling this way. Too scared to go to the doctor. It’s so crazy.

Adios Cafe

I have to give up coffee…… I don’t want to give it up but I have to….

I gave up regular pop to help me lose weight. Then I gave up diet pop cause that helps pack on pounds versus actually getting it off and my hubby has given me so many reasons why aspartame is killing me. I did suffer from frequent headaches and body aches so I did take a little heed to his warning. Since giving up the pop, I have felt better. But a gradual better. Not an overwhelming better.

Well after yesterday, I decided I should give up the coffee as well. I had my regular cup of coffee and then the office ladies decided to get Caribou. I didn’t want to pass up the yummy iced mocha, so I got it. And shortly after drinking that one, I felt crazy hyper. Inside I wanted to scream and run around, not that that would help but that’s how it felt. On the outside I was trying to compose myself and be the professional that I am. Ha ha ha…. But then I had lunch and got sick. I felt terrible, like I was going to vomit. Which made my anxiety go high. So then I really was a crazy lady at work. I stuck it out until 3 pm and with one hour left, I asked if I could go home. I was crazy all the way home in the car but once home….. I laid down and felt so much better.

So I really feel lead to quit the caffeine altogether. I am nervous already by nature and the shaking feelings are not worth it. I may be getting sick separately from all of this cause today, I got really dizzy in the office. So trying not to freak out about that…… but aside from all of that, I don’t need one more thing that will make me feel crazy.

I’m not going cold turkey though. I’m going to have a quarter of a cup of coffee with milk in it, in the morning. That’s it. Then if I do go for Caribou, I’ll try the decaf iced mocha. See if that tastes good enough.

Hey if I can do it with pop, I can do it with coffee. Unfortunately it hasn’t helped shed those pounds!

What a weekend! I had a great weekend. Saturday we got to go to Chuck E. Cheese in Maple Grove to visit with Dj’s family. They were so wonderful, they treated us to the whole day as we were also celebrating Cadence’s birthday, Dj’s brother’s grand-daughter. It was so much fun and the kids got the opportunity to play with their cousins. It wasn’t too busy for a Saturday, helps to get there in the morning. Time to catch up with them and see them as we don’t get to see them as much as they live in Alexandria.

Then Sunday, we had the family and friend birthday party for Krissy! We went to Tropical Ballroom, the dance studio her dad owns. And we had the music on and people snacked on food. We did a little cupid shuffle and Cha Cha Slide or whatever it’s called. It was so fun to see Krissy enjoying herself with her friends and family. The little kids had a blast. James was a very awesome host and got people talking and dancing. Dj was wonderful to help with all the food and transporting stuff around. Everyone got along from James’s side and my side. No fighting with the teens or any major drama. Phew! It was such a good day. And to have the time in one weekend to spend with each side of the family, in case next month or the next few months are rough with our personal lives. We had this weekend full of fun and happy memories. For that I am blessed beyond measure.

Krissy talked me into using some of her birthday money to get her lip pierced. Originally I agreed to ONE piercing in her face and then she would have to wait til she was 18. After talking with her more and seeing what it looked like and her using her own birthday money. And if she should ever need to remove the piercing, it didn’t seem like that was a place where major holes would still show. So I gave in. She was great, a little nervous but mostly excited. They gave us quite the experience trying to prove I was her mom, being that our last names were different. After finally giving them proof of her birth certificate, my birth certificate and my marriage license showing all the name changes and how I could be her biological mom, it was a done deal. She sat in the chair and I watched. I was so nervous and I had to go to the bathroom and in the bathroom I had second thoughts about the whole thing. I almost went out and said no, we can’t do this….. I don’t know why, I just was so nervous. Then when he said if she felt light headed or anything to let him know and she could lie down…………. I almost shouted out, I could use some water and a cot! When he finally stuck her with the needle, she didn’t cry out or anything. She merely said oh that didn’t hurt. What!!! She’s so brave. All said and done, she still looks cute. ;0) Now she needs to explain it to her dad!

Prayer in School

One of my friend's has a daughter in Gideon's class. She went to lunch the other day and on facebook she sent me this message: "Hi, I was at school today volunteering and also went to lunch. Just wanted to tell you that I saw Gideon and he sat by us and I was so impressed and was touched by what I saw him do. He closed his eyes and bowed his head and folded his hands and prayed. I thought that was so nice!! Just had to tell you that."

Isn't that cool?! I always get frustrated by how the kids goof around when I am praying at night. I have started to make them be the ones to pray so they will pay more attention to what they are doing. Dj prays before meals, I'm not always so good about that one. So I think Dad is huge in influencing them. He'll even do it in public.

I was very proud that he choose to still pray, even though we weren't there and he didn't have to as no one else is doing it around him. But he did.......... and though he wasn't trying to make any statements, just an innocent belief and desire to say thank you to his Father in heaven, he made a huge statement to his classmates, the school staff and this parent.

Makes me tear up!

On This Day....

Happy “Sweet Sixteen” Krissy Morgan Leigh Wood!

I cannot believe 16 years have passed since you were born. 16 years ago, I was having dinner with Mara and her husband and your dad at Perkins. I believe it was chicken teriyaki, my favorite. And we went home and enjoyed some time together. A few hours after that, I didn’t feel so good. I thought I had eaten bad chicken, no thought that this could be labor, after all I wasn’t due for another 3 or 4 days! And your first child you always go past that date. So I was in and out of the bathroom, I’ll spare you those details. And your dad just had this gut feeling that we shouldn’t be ignoring this could be labor. Praise God for James! He was timing it from the time I went in to the bathroom and felt better to the time when I would need to go to the bathroom again. And then he called the hospital. They suggested we come in. I felt so silly, we’re going to get there and they’ll tell us I just ate something bad. I was so embarrassed. Imagine my surprise when they admitted me. I was having labor pains and I thought I was just sick. I knew that would happen, my doctor had assured me that I would know the difference. Ha ha ha ha…… I think it was like 2 a.m. when we went in and then we called Gramma Pam and she called Auntie Karla and they came in to be with us the whole time! You arrived on April 8th! Four days after your daddy. And you came out with a head of beautiful black hair and you were so tan! So little and so sweet. Your dad and I were so happy to see you. You should have seen me trying to dress you to bring you home! I was so scared I was going to break your arm or leg. ;0) Your dad was a champ, he had been through a few diaper changes and stuff with his sisters and he was amazing at how he took care of you during the first few weeks of your life. He showed me so much. I was so young and didn’t know how to do anything and I was so scared! There is so much I have learned since those days. My life has been so much happier with you in it. I have gone out of my comfort zone to try to get job changes and promotions to take care of us. I have tried adventures and activities I would never have done for just myself, going out on nature hikes and the mega mall for rides, playdates and play groups, plays and movies and so many more things. I was in such a hurry to grow up, I never enjoyed my childhood but being able to play house and pretend with you, I got to enjoy it all so much more through your little eyes. You have made me brave and courageous. You have made me a better “mom”, “friend” and so much more. My life would never have been as rich and as full without you. I love you more than I can ever express to you. You are such a wonderful person. You are so unique and I love that no matter what anyone says you still are who you are without any apologies. You are brave. Your life has been hard at times and I’m sorry for that. When I see you helping your brothers and the care and compassion you have for those that you really love, it fills me with such pride. I cannot wait to see what adventure your life takes on as you grow into adult-hood. You are so smart and so beautiful and though life gets in my way from day to day and I get caught up in being so busy, I had to take this moment to let you know that you are cherished. God planned out your entire existence before you even come into being and he gave you to me and your dad. The best gift of my life. Thank you for helping me take the time to smell the roses, feel the sun and dance like no one is looking. Happy Birthday baby!

The End Result at the Dentist

The boys went to the dentist today. They saw a different dentist today then the one that did their cleanings. I found out that the dentist they saw for their cleanings was an incompetent and not very nice lady. She told me my kids had all these cavities and they needed sealants. She looked down her nose at me for them having cavities and didn’t offer any good advice. When Krissy went to get her sealants done this new dentist found two cavities and let me know that the first dentist was going to drill those and then seal those. The good dentist let me know that she didn’t think this was a good idea. So long story short, I complained to the office manager about this old lady dentist and I set my boys up with this new dentist lady.

So today the boys go in and the new dentist decides with their age and their nerves that she would fill Gideon’s cavity on his permanent tooth. And then they would watch the other ones and make sure if they got any worse or larger that we would then fill those. So my boys were pretty happy! I was relieved as Gideon is the brave one and I think he did just fine from the sounds of it. He even decided he didn’t want the nitrous oxide. Brave huh….. And then Gabe of course was thrilled that he didn’t have to do anything else. That poor kid is just like his mom, shaking in the chair.

So I will continue to brush their teeth at night and floss them. Let me tell you flossing someone else’s teeth is not so easy! I make them lay back in the recliner like at the dentist and it does work a little better! ;0)

I’m on a mission to not have my kids go through a bad time at the dentist. And it’s really a shame how many just want the money and don’t take time to actually care and educate their patients. This last visit really was an eye opener.

Baseball Sunday

What a wonderful weekend! We had beautiful weather Saturday and Sunday. 50 degrees and sunny Saturday and similar on Sunday with less sun. We decided to go to the baseball fields in town.

First we had to buy one more glove and a couple of baseballs. I was trying to get the rubber ones that don’t hurt as much but the boys and Dad wanted the real deal. After picking up what we needed we went to have lunch at Subway.

We each found a delicious sandwich that we could eat. The boys wanted to eat inside the store, so there goes the picnic idea. It was still a fun family time together.

Then we went to the baseball field. Took turns watching one kid bat and the other kid pitch the ball. Eventually Gabe decided he loved batting and didn’t want to catch as much cause it hurt his finger. ;0) So Dad pitched him balls all afternoon. Gideon decided he loved playing catch, so we tossed the ball back and forth. Eventually some kid from the neighborhood came over and asked if he could join. This kid was nice enough but he was also kind of a pain in the butt. Trying to tell us what we were going right or wrong. I was thinking, geez isn’t it nice we let you play, quit talking kid. But I politely smiled. My hubby tried to teach him a thing or two as he seemed receptive to learning.

An hour and forty minutes later, my pictching arm was giving out on me. I had to use the bathroom and no port o’potty in sight, I decided time was up! ;0) The boys went back home and got the neighbor friend Jesse and Steve out, and played catch with them some more. Gideon got the ball in face a few times, poor kid. Mama went home to start laundry and lay down. Pooped out. Ate some pre-made cookies.

Today, I am pretty sore. I guess it could feel worse, but I was surprised I was sore at all. Good exercise. Really fun day though and the boys are very excited about a new sport! I better get in better shape if I want to spend time with the boys doing what they enjoy!